A Courageous Heart

A chance wind sends yellow leaves aquiver

Against the high blue sky

Stirs my heart aflutter too

Amidst the melodic soughing

 

Pondering what the universe brings into my life…and why

My heart speaking in terms I can ascertain

Clearly supporting patience and acceptance

As they permeate the field

 

A willingness to let go

Follow the whisper of the wind

Where doubt becomes faith

And fear subsides as my place in the universe becomes clearer

 

Where the melting influence

Softens the insistence of maneuvering to get what I want

Softens the defense against wounding

Softens the intellectual stance

 

So, here I sit

Willing to engage without specifications and criteria

Just feeling the breeze blow through my heart

Bringing strength and steadfastness to love regardless

Waterfall of My Heart (September 2024)

So, there’s this place where love flows freely

The blue waters smoothing over the grooves

Caressing the once-jagged stones

Brilliant rock flour carried away by the curves

  

Turquoise tendrils falling away

Plump curves juicy

Brown crevices dissolve

As rough edges soften

 

Emerging fresh at the bottom of the fall

Joyous and rejuvenated

Love spilling out

Overflowing shadows of the past

 

The unending mystery

Always more to discover

Always more to reveal

The allure both beckons and is beckoned

 

To know

The truth of it all

What I am

The very same as what you are

An open invitation

To jump into the water

To unfold and dissolve

With me

 

Slipping Over the Waterfall (August 2024)

Climbing the steep path up

Grasping roots and tree trunks

Intent on where to place my foot

Care amid the dizzy

 

Trees embracing the pool

Sheltering us from the heat

Blue sky in the distance

Water sliding away over the edge…minnehaha

 

Reclining in the gathering waterfall

New splashes bring new gasps

Melting into the sound

Watching arouses my curiosity

 

The rush of cool water

Settling into the crispness

Light reflecting whimsically

Watching swirls my heart

 

Mellifluous peace

Rippling stillness

Flowing beauty

Harmony my heart’s desire

Letting go

Slipping over the waterfall

Into the beginning

Of the unknown

 

Floating on a Sunday Morning (Jan 2023)

 

Flowing up from the inky depth in which I float

Arms upstretched, hands in natural mudra

Legs long, curved together

Silken stretches of skin, emulsified

 

A glowing burst in the heart

Sparks and vividness

Amid effortless buoyancy

In liquid black

 

Black merging into red down low

Surging aliveness

Intensity embodying

Vastness coalescing here as intimate vibrance

 

A physical expression of the unifying impulse

Where the absolute meets casey

Reveling in that pleasure

Where she comes so close to her nature as to be absorbed into it

 

Pulsing energy gains force

Forming into form with silvery grace

Orange sorbet, warm and soft

Pink filigree sweetening the heart

Tears sliding into salty depths

 

Permeating consciousness

Melting the boundaries of body

Senses so smooth, almost entirely gone

A single waterdrop moving along skin, condensing into exquisiteness

 

The waves rolling on

Pausing in an elongated moment of stillness

Motionless cessation

Being breathed by the entirety

 

Awareness sweeping back in

In satin waves of pleasure

Softening, erasing

Everything gone

 

Relaxing into upswell of golden light

White edged, white interspersed

Luminosity coalesced

Strumming, so perfectly true

 

Endlessly smooth

Endlessly fluid

A flood of warm lovingness 

Body, heart, mind, the tank, the depths, all one, no separation

 

The acute closeness so welcoming, beckoning

The goldenness flowing upward, unifying

Here I am, all that I am, all right here

The long sigh of relief as the beloved embraces

 

The effortless holding

Silence and lack of boundaries negate all need

There is just this

Just as it is

 

The radiant goldenness widens

All encompassing

The light of purity explodes

Brilliant white

 

Curling streaks of glowing magenta

Fiddleheads of lavender luminosity

The kaleidoscope of this woman

Turned golden

Becoming Shine (July 2024)

Luminous rays of essence coalescing

Presence striking lightly

Fluidly pooling as spheres of illumination

Shine taking form

 

Here, relaxed, graceful, flowing

Transforming

The shine

People notice

 

Green and golden brown swoops

Holding the spheres of light

Grounded, earthy support

Embracing

 

A magical voice draws me in

Eloquent, evocative

Kindly smooth, soothing, rambling

Merge into that

Ribbons of invisible flow unify

Boundaries melt away

Form dissolves into shine

With the glow glimmering

 

Pink Plumeria of Zihuatanejo (June 2024)

Formlessness walking

Sensing along the continuum

Disappearing as I go, silkenness engulfing

A quiet sigh as the sinking happens

 

Breath gone

Stillness permeating where once air flowed

Time extends

Breathing will come, I trust

 

The words recede

The space between thoughts elongates

No sense of need to communicate

Pure expression will suffice

 

Sight surrenders

These eyes no longer my own

Blue orbs so willingly cast aside

The completeness of what now perceives, entrancing     

 

The quirked line of his brow

Perfection

The laughter bubbles

As ease subsumes

 

Formless sound crescendos

From the quiet mumblings of my self

The silent sound

All absorbing

 

I stretch wide, a featureless landscape

The inkiness erases everything

Except the merest glimmer

On the swell of emptiness

 

The glimmer explodes

A shower of brilliance

Revealing the sinuous movement

Revealing all the possibilities at once

 

The beauty of a pink plumeria

So touching, tears rise

Warm fluidness softens the world

Only love

 

It all resides here

As me

Me as it

Surging along a petal unfurling

 

The Source of Yearning (March 2023)

I feel my heart stirring

A heart so long on its own

Longing now

Leaning into a search for love

 

The fluid ache

Resonating

Physical desire

Heart like a wide, open landing spot

 

Leaning, pulling, opening

A strong wanting for closeness and intimacy

Someone who’s there for me

And I for them

 

Showing up in a bold way

A yearning that stands tall and speaks the truth

Clarity of purpose

Yet patient and trusting

 

An aspect of myself long dormant

Split off, this wanting for closeness

My heart leans forward, peering out

Where are you out there in the world?

 

The intensity of yearning speaks to the intensity of connectedness

The depths within are completely open, receptive, and with me…even are me

My heart’s desire, all that

I smile from the pleasure of it

 

This deep richness in my belly, solid and true

Everything I could possibly want, just right here

It holds me

Strong, confident, caring

 

Present, this feeling of well-being resident

A thereness here

In daily life

To be aware of the constantly changing beauty

 

Love meeting love

Blossoming, welling forth

Magnified by shared recognition

Walking along under the full moon together

A Message to Myself from Myself (August 2022)

It is okay

Rest here in my arms

Take solace

At my breast

 

Ease through the coalescing intensity

Every moment anew

As nothingness extends into time and space

Nothing to fear, my dear

 

The wide, open field of clear light

Coalesces

The diffuseness now cloaked

As the local consciousness of me

 

That’s all we really are

Condensed nothingness

So intense, it’s light

So rest easy, my beautiful pool of light

 

Enjoy the inherent goodness

And just ride through the ebb and flow

Feel my heart beating, stay with me

The light coalesces

Fear Not, My Sweet Child (December 2020)

Now the I is lost

And she weeps in her bereftness

The body disintegrates

The mind grieves

The heart bursts

Fear not my sweet, sweet child

I am here as you

Not two, a soul and the great

Just this

Here

You are me

Only love

 

Feel the perfection

As we dance

Let down your flowing hair

The absolute perfection of that swinging curl

Your foot poised for the next step

Whatever it may be

Wherever it may land

As we, I, waltz down the canyon of the breadbasket

In an unending series of blooms

 

And so the suspendedness feels the quiver in her heart

Weeps from the joy of that illuminated centerpoint

Shining brilliant amid a black sea of brilliancies

A sweeping, undulating, flowing fabric of light

Intermingled with the black depth

 

Truly breathtaking

To be here

Seeing this

Feeling this

For this realization to burst upon the world, as it

The way it’s meant to be

Where Existence Happens (October 2020)

A crevice of utterness arising

Here in the field

Center of body

Sweeping away the mind

 

The entirety of the universe all here

This point of awareness of it all

As itself

Right here, expressing as awareness of itself

 

And a certain, dense, rock hardness

Exquisitely, acutely hard

In pristine immaculateness

Down the centerline valley

 

A slanting shift of perspective

From a full view of featurelessness

Showing up as golden gradation to whiteness

The smooth feel of alabaster

 

The precision a line of revelation

Where realities meet

The vibrancy and effulgence

A pulsing crevasse of possibility

 

Striking color glimmering boldly

The thin, bulbous, dancing line

Where existence happens

As casey

here

Under a Gibbous Moon (aka sliding into the DM)

Under a gibbous moon

Pondering the untold possibilities

Unfolding along the Milky Way

Beneath my feet

 

Each step precise and attuned

Dancing along the unfurling ribbon

Black vastness surrounding me

As I walk to meet the waxing moon

 

I am like putty in god’s hands

Formlessness taking shape

Bedazzled with points of light

Feet firmly on the ground

 

So, my bold heart looks your way

The waning gibbous will reveal

Infatuation, love, or friendship

All good

 

Morning Sky Over Monte Sano (April 2023) (aka Tea House, Looking Up)

A certain crisp clarity comes, the touch light

As I look up from the floor of the tea house

Concepts fall away

“Only one sky,” as Osho would say

 

Merely the sky shining

My form the lens for looking

My mind empty

Even as passing clouds blow through

 

Shift in perspective

Marks the shift from me to all

Invisible sparkles glimmer

The empty space alive

 

Casey’s shape lying here next to a patient Anaheim

Heart and soul become so clear

Extending as the black tree trunks

Reaching into the openness of sky

 

And love sweeps in

Turning the cerulean brilliant

One black clad leg embracing another

As I wait for that sweet man to rejoin me

 

Sweetness melts

Simplicity emerges

Lightness abounds

“Love Only,” as John Prine would say

 

Awakening (2007)

And She said to me

Open wide your eyes

So that you may see

Open wide your eyes

And pluck the eyeballs from the sockets

Cast them upon the ground

So the woodpeckers may dine well tonight

A Wash of Goodness (July 2017)

In the Night
 

Dreaming of the highest pinnacle of a telescope

Tending it with my new boss

Precisely tuning it for our clients

So delicate to strike it just right

 

And even earlier in the night

A dream of being hunted by something from within

Some distortion incessantly arising to pursue

An infiltration of hatred and fear

Then the masses honed down to the solitary figure or group here and there

Descending, each accompanied by a pure white creature

 

Then waking, there on that needle-like pinnacle

Dialing in the endlessly dazzling array of space

Boundlessness

A wide sweep of humbleness

To appreciate I am that

Such a combination: the silent glory across the luminous heavens

And we tiny humans trying to see, aching to see

Trying to satisfy the demanding client within us all

 

As the tiny figure falls from the peak

The slide, the swoop, a slight breeze

Disappearing over the edge

The gasp

 

Liquid essence flows through me

Liquefying any remaining ego

The smooth shock of it like swallowing cognac

A burning soothing, a guide dancing

 

Asking

What do I need to see here?

As the flowing bliss permeates and stretches consciousness

What is this?

And the answer so strong in a porous heart

 

A shimmering wash of silver and gold flashing

The slam of delicately acute understanding

Knowing we are both

A human fallen from the peak

And the almost unbearable exquisitude of the entirety of all that is, both

Especially and always amid the tears

 

A Wash of Goodness—July 2017

A Wash of Goodness—July 2017

Resolution of the Rejecting Object Relation (2016)

A Melting Resolution 16x20 Dec 2016

 The inner space broadens

A dark screen on which understanding plays

The openness arching away till it is no longer perceptible

A hum of blue in the black depths

 

A still pool of grace emerges

Aware of my consciousness as that

No edges but contained within

Liquid warmness within the cool dark emptiness of the endless

 

I watch as identification transfers from self

To grace

And, as grace, melting into endlessness

Silent, deep, suspended

 

Aware of moving along the perceptual continuum

Looking back and seeing the forms

From where awareness takes no form

Yet being the forms, too, within the space

Feeling the knowing that forms are simply forms

Formed from the formlessness

The same thing

 

Looking up to the right, high above on a solid spot

A distant figure

The idealized self-created father image

Whom I desired so to please

Whose love I begged

And who I perceived as the source of grace

 

He is a tool of the super-ego

Having me do his will

To maintain the relative position of two

Aware of the resolution of the rejecting object relation

As the figure slides downward

Slipping shapelessly into the black depths

Loving grace expands

 

There, too, in the dark cavern below, almost invisible, is the beast

An amalgamation of writhing, twisted form

Like chameleon poop

Anti-grace

Smoothness subsumes it

 

Loving light amasses

Arising as a perception of the expanse

The expanse perceiving itself as that luminosity

Infusing, suffusing, permeating

Pervasive grace

All in a drop

And all the while, this “trace of casey” marks the spot

 

There Is No Chasm

Leaping into the Abyss 20x16

Facing the vast emptiness

Energy amassing in my chest

Thoughts and ideas flying

Standing here on the edge of the abyss

 

All the things I project onto that clear expanse

All the contrivances of conviction

All the fillers so I cannot see

Fear of aloneness, of non-existence

 

What keeps me here?

Teetering, holding on for dear life

Imagining a swan dive down into an unknown eternity

Gathering my courage

 

And so I jump

And immediately realize the support is within me, around me, throughout me so thoroughly there is no longer any me, no longer anything but a certain amness

Holding my sides as I guffaw

There is no chasm

 

The amness is Beingness

And the Beingness, at this moment, is support

And in floods my heart’s desire

The awake love, welcome belonging, inherent goodness

That feeling of the Beloved’s arms around me

Then looking down to see the arms are my own

 

Now how the presence slides down, quiet

A happy god’s belly

Golden and strong, wide and daily-like

 

And it strikes me: the support of our work today

For which I am infinitely grateful

A Perspective from Emptiness (Nov 2014)

This emptiness stretches wide

So wide of possibilities

And emerging into that is a dance of consciousness

Consciousness aware of consciousness

But no sense of casey centralized somewhere

Emptiness is empty of everything except consciousness

And even then consciousness is just the emptiness

Infinite consciousness

The words are just shapes

Only the isness exists

And it only is

When I look back, there is only emptiness

The Return (Sept 2014)

The Return (#2) 16x20 Sept 2014

The Return (#2) 16x20 Sept 2014

She first noticed something was missing

Without really knowing what

An empty gnawing that felt like an invisible hunger

Lying beneath her life in the shadows

Loneliness most obvious in times of distress

Though mostly hidden in her unconscious

 

The Return 20x16 August 2014

The Return 20x16 August 2014

The dark purple shadows tracing across her motions

The slant ever so slightly off

Until one day

A cataclysmic burst of white hot

Laid it all bare, raw, almost incomprehensible

 

Working with her burdens

Blind trust in the process at first

And as understanding grew

Small worn spots appeared in the gossamer folds

White smudges awash in the violet sweep

And she rejoiced

 

And so it goes on

The questions and answers

The rhythm of the day moving along

Faith no longer blind

Love, trust, and curiosity

 

The biggest question for her now

How to live this understanding

Bring it home so to speak

How to let it color her life

So that she may rejoice again and again

As each moment appears